Debbie Blog: I’m Drawn To Animated Sexpots

So I had this thought a while back while watching a movie and I wanted to share it, write it down, put it out there in the world, and then I thought no way, it’s weird, people would mock me, scorn me, possibly even have me booted off the Internet, but you know what, fuck it, here it is in all its ugly truthiness: I find animated animals kind of hot.

Not all animated animals. I mean, I don’t have to change my underwear every time I watch “Finding Nemo,” mostly because I don’t wear underwear, but also because fish, as a rule, just aren’t sexy (sorry, Mr. Limpet). But it seems to me that some animated animals in some movies are meant to stir up those kinds of feelings in its audience. After all, animated movies aren’t just for kids, they’re for the bored parents who pay for the tickets, right, and if Hollywood (and the Swede casting couch) has taught me anything, it’s that adult audiences are more engaged when the main character is, you know, fuckable. Take Forrest Gump. Sure, he’s all slow and folksy and Sarah Palin-like, which is entertaining and all, but if he wasn’t at least a little hot, we wouldn’t have bought the bit about Jenny jumping his bones and then pumping out that creepy kid who sees ghosts and shit.

Anyway, the movie I was watching while having this epiphany was “Fantastic Mr. Fox,” the attractive animal in question was the eponymous creature of said film, and my point is, I believe he was drawn in a way to attract an adult audience in that way. Sure, it’s a story for kids, blah blah blah, but look at the photo of Mr. Fox up top and tell me there isn’t a little something going on there.

Right? He sort of reminds me of one of my crushes from when I was a newer, more recently manufactured blow-up doll: the animated fox from Disney’s “Robin Hood.” I don’t know what it is about foxy animated foxes, but they certainly do the trick — for me, at least. I know that for a lot of guys of a certain age, there’s a particular animated rabbit that gets their blood pumping south of the border, even now. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to arch my back, pout my already obscenely puckered lips and murmur, “I’m not bad; I’m just drawn that way” before bending over and … well, that’s another story for another day.

Back to the topic at hand: I’m willing to bet I’m not alone in my attraction to animated animals. I think there are freaks out there just like me who find themselves inexplicably drawn to certain characters, and I think you’re one of them. So ‘fess up: tell Debbie who gets you hot.