Comments on: Dem Reviews: GI Joe – The Rise Of Cobra

By: PartyMarty

PartyMarty — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:32:03 +0000

@Famous:Best movie review ever.

By: Michael

Michael — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 21:15:59 +0000

According to Wikipedia (which is always correct) said the reason they redesigned CC’s mask was the felt the hood was too reminiscent of the hoods the KKK wore. Why they didn’t just used his silver faced mask, I don’t know?

But yeah Zartan was completely underused. And where in the hell was Flint? Or did Wayan’s character replace him?

By: adam

adam — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 19:06:54 +0000

Michael Bay? Ha ha ha ha.

By: brodiemash

brodiemash — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:54:47 +0000

Yup, there were a lot of missteps taken with Snake Eyes and being that he was one of the cooler parts of the film, that says a lot about the overall quality. Not quite up there with Schumacher’s Batman nipples but close.

By: brodiemash

brodiemash — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:53:16 +0000

Keep ‘em coming and you’ll keep moving up, sir!

By: brodiemash

brodiemash — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:52:29 +0000

OOHHHH! I forgot about the kiddie Snake Eyes vs. kiddie Stormshadow sequence. It might be me but whenever I see kids trying to be bad ass on screen (and that kid at Japanese Kitchen who tries to show off his teppanyaki skills) it just makes me want to beat them into a bloody pulp. Good recap, sir! A decent jump-off that could of been better but I guess the box office has spoken because with a $56 million opening, we will be seeing some more Joe in the future. Hopefully we can get a more competent director next time.

By: Famous

Famous — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:02:32 +0000

Let’s begin with the fanboy review:

Lame. Lame, lame, lame.
(I’d say SPOILER ALERT, but who cares)

Snakeyes (who everyone thought could save the movie) … lame.
Snakeye’s stupid-ass molded mask … lame.
Snakeyes vs. Stormshadow in what should have been some awesome fight scenes … lame.
Little kid Snakeyes vs. little kid Stormshadow … lame. And cliche.
And maybe stereotypically racist?
Snakeyes and his “vow of silence” … lame.
The Baroness with no accent … lame.
The Baroness’ transition glasses … lame.
The Baroness as Duke’s girlfriend … lame.
Zartan … lame. And underused.
Zartan being in the movie for all of three minutes while being one of its most critical plot points … lame.
Accelerator suits … lame.
Nanomites … lame (though not completely un-GI Joe like).
Destro without his metal face … lame.
Destro WITH his metal face … lame.
“The Doctor” aka Cobra Commander … surprisingly not lame. They got the voice down, though I don’t know why they needed to deviate from the classic shiny silver face mask. Or the cowl.
“The Doctor” and Duke being besties from way back … lame.
Marlon Waylons … surprisingly not lame.
Brendan Fraser’s cameo … lame.
I won’t even get into the whole “international force” deal, because it wouldn’t have bothered me if the rest of the movie wasn’t so … lame.

Now, putting aside the hundred-some comics and closet full of toys, here’s a more impartial review:

GI Joe wasn’t unwatchable, in the way “Spiderman 3″ or “Spawn” or “Street Fighter” (with Jean Claude) were unwatchable. It was generic, sure. And it wasn’t the GI Joe movie I would make (or want to see made), but for those without years of emotional attachment to the characters, it’s a run-of-the-mill action movie that totally connects with little boys.
Yes, it was full of over-loaded action scenes that make it impossible to really tell what’s happening. And yes, instead of coming away awed, you leave a little overwhelmed. But that’s what’s popular these days. No, there wasn’t any real character development, and what was seemed trite and silly. But it’s GI Joe, not Shakespeare.
Think like a 8-year-old boy and you’ll be fine.

By: bee

bee — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 22:44:21 +0000

all is as i assumed. plus something about that pic of the baroness showing that ultra low beltline that is friggin hot

hey, mr. brodiemash, when will i be a ranked commentators??

By: Michael

Michael — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 21:43:15 +0000

I walked out too pleasently suprised. The only problems I had were that Snake Eyes helmet had lips molded into it, which just looked fucking creepy, and the fact that Duke was able to take Snake Eyes down when they sparred. Snake Eyes was known for unconventional fighting styles and as bad ass as Duke was, no way could he take Snake Eyes down.

But the hot ass red head and SIenna Miller as the Baroness totally made up for it. Yum!