Proliferate the $2 bill!

attention please for this nerdy public service announcement…

Jeffersons. Some think they aren’t in circulation anymore. Some think they’re counterfeit money. Some think they’re rare collectibles. Others just think they’re odd. Well I say… FUCK THOSE PEOPLE, THEY’RE WRONG. $2 bills kick ass and we need to share their kickassedness with everyone else!

Time for a history lesson. $2 bills have been around just as long as every other denomination. They were first issued by the Continental Congress in 1776 as “bills of credit for the defense of America.” They were officially commissioned as legal tender in 1862. But when “Federal Reserve Notes” were introduced in 1914 (a.k.a. modern currency), the $2 and $1 denominations were not included. Instead they remained “United States Notes” (a.k.a. greenbacks, issued by the Treasury not the Fed), until 1963. Three years later the $2 bill was discontinued due to “lack of public demand.” Ten years later, on April 13, 1976, the birthday of Thomas Jefferson, a redesigned $2 Federal Reserve Note was reintroduced into circulation (the Bureau of Engraving and Printing pointed out that they could save $27 million by printing $2 bills and cutting back on $1’s). Unfortunately for numerous reasons, and maybe some still unknown, the $2 bill was just never able to catch on. But as Mr. Obama purports: it’s time for change and yes we can!

Reasons the $2 bill kicks ass

• Thomas Jefferson was a bad ass. OK, not really. He was a pacifist and a stoic, and would probably have no love for our movement. And OK sure, he owned slaves, and that’s bad, but at least he gave them some lovin’. And sure, he’s already on the nickel. But screw coins, and screw the nickel.

• You can carry more money and waste less wallet space.

• In these hard economic times it’s important for the government to save money, they can do so by printing more $2’s instead of $1’s. So do your part and use ‘em so they’re forced to print more!

• The signing of the Declaration of Independence portrait on the back is uniquely awesome.

• It’s a conversation starter. A wallet full of $2’s is a wallet full of joy.

• Why shouldn’t the $2 be out there with all the other money having fun? Are you racist against it, you racist?

• The number 2 has special significance to humans. 2 eyes, 2 arms, 2 hands, 2 legs, 2 feet, 2 ears, 2 nostrils, 2 ass cheeks, 2 breasts. And fellow dudes, wouldn’t the world be a better place if we had 2 dicks?

• Because I said so. Don’t you want to be part of the $2 bill movement? The answer is yes.

Reasons you don’t see $2 bills more often

• People think it isn’t in circulation any more. Those 10 years between 1966 and 1976 were harmful to the $2 bill’s reputation, people got used to using multiple $1’s. Spread the word. IT’S STILL IN CIRCULATION.

• There’s some level of superstition around the $2 bill. Some consider it bad luck. Some associate it with strippers or prostitution (some strip clubs hand out $2’s as change so their dancers get bigger tips).

• People think it’s counterfeit or not legal tender. Find these stupid people and destroy them. Ever heard the story of the guy with the $2 bill turned away by the cashier AND the manager? Yeah. Snopes says it’s true, and it’s scary.

• The $2 bill was reintroduced in 1976, the same year as the United States bicentennial celebration. As a result, some people view the $2 bill as a collector’s item and not actual legal tender meant for public use.

• Only 1 billion dollars worth of $2 bills have been printed and are currently in circulation. That might sound like a lot, but it really isn’t. Once demand from banks, businesses, and the public increases, the Fed will print more. The last series of $2 bills were issued in 2003. The average lifespan of $1 bill is 10 months, for the $2 bill… 6 years. Use them!

How you can help?

• Go to the bank and ask for $2’s! This is not a special request, your bank will have them and will gladly provide them. But there’s only so much we can do as consumers…

• The key to getting $2’s back in the game is getting the suckers into cash drawers! Unfortunately some cash drawers only have 4 slots (for $1’s, $5’s, $10’s, and $20’s). But most I’ve seen have a 5th slot for miscellaneous items such as checks, or large bills like $100’s or $50’s. When you spend $2’s, they’re generally placed in this miscellaneous slot by cashiers (or under the drawer) and eventually thrown into a cash bag and taken back to the bank! Thwarted!!! If you work at a business that supplies change, ask your manager to request $2’s from the bank. That 5th slot in the drawer belongs to the $2 bill ONLY damnit, shove ‘em in there between the $1’s and the $5’s where they belong!!! Tell the cashier to give them back out as change.

Only you can prevent forest fires, and only you can get the $2 bill out there in people’s pockets. Join the cause. Express support in the comments. Next time your grandma gives you a $2 bill for your birthday and tells you to save it, tell her, “No way gma, I’m spending this shite! You can’t tell me what to do!”